im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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