Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
