I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
