okay pat passed out under dana's car
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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