You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
