we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize