Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
