one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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