I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
