I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
