he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The struggles of a small town man whore
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
