He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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