i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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