haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
