some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
