we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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