WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
