Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
