Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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