The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
