You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So vagazzling was a success
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
