I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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