I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm too high and old for this...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
