and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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