went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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