I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
