im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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