No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
