i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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