Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
