I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Go christen that room with your naked body.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
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