i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
