How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
