So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
