dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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