Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
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