A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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