There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
