I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
