He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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