Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize