I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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