he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
