Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just had sex bonerless
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
