I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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