trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
