she woke up with a sticky ear
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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