i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
