I'm going to jail i love you
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
