when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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