Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
