An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have tasted many bathrooms
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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