I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize