He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
