so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
