Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
