Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
