You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
