My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
