we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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