dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Randomize
