so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
