I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
