my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
