5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Green mimosas i think yes
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
