We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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