It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
