Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
