Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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