his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We were destined to go to rehab together
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
