the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
