I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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