Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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