I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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