Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize