Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
