the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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