thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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