We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
