he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
