This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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