And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think people are normalizing furries
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
