this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
