you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
