Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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