Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
