I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
