If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
