shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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