I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
