it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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