also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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