too bad you live with your parents still
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
