hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize