it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
