you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize