I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
