Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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