You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize