he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize