Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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