dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
