I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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