dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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