I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just gift wrapped bread.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
